HOME / DEUTSCH

Somewhen in the year 2000 I was asked to speak at the celebration event of the 15 years anniversary of the LHB Linz (school for orthopedagogical professions). I knew that all the "big wigs" of social work in Upper Austria, including the governor, the leaders of the social department and of course all social institution leaders would be there. So I thought of something different, not your normal "hey, its a great school" speech. With the limited time I had got, I wanted to show them what their influence can be. The following is a translation of what I said:

 IMAGINE, ...

Imagine you are deaf! (But listen to me!)  
So, imagine you are deaf, and also imagine you are mute. Not that you can´t make any sound but you never heard it. You can´t communicate verbally. You know that you exist. And you recognize yourself in the mirror. You recognize your name and you know that if you see this name written on something, this item is yours.

Imagine you often have a feeling you don´t like. If you knew what it was, you would probably describe it with the word “fear”. A threatening feeling to be alone. But the feeling disappears when you touch someone, when you hold someone´s hand, when someone hugs you. Then you have a different feeling. You feel that there is someone else and – you feel yourself. That´s a good feeling. Unfortunately a rare one.

  One day - intended or not - you kick your dish off the table. It bursts into many funny tiny pieces and almost immediately someone comes running to you, grabs your hand and shows you that you can throw these many little funny pieces into a big item.

That was fun!

  On another day you crash into a wall. WOW! You’ve never felt yourself so very distinctly before! So you do it again. A strange but good feeling. And the best thing is: Again, someone comes running, takes your hand and offers a band-aid. Wonderful.

  Now imagine that during the course of your life you have learned that to tear someone´s hair, to throw flowerpots, to push other people down, to beat, to bite yourself and others, to tear off your clothes, etc … always leads to a situation where you enjoy the full attention of your environment immediately. This drives away the fear.

  Now imagine that in recent months you have been getting more and more little multicolored balls in addition to your normal meals.

You feel a bit sleepy, tired, everything is feeling tougher. You don´t know why. Anyway, you try to focus all your left over energy and with your head you beat against the wall. Then you feel your body a little bit again and someone comes running and, for a short moment, drives away your fear. But lately there have often been new faces. And also the buildings changed before you had a chance to get used to them.

Now image that on a really fine day you realize that nothing has changed for a longer period. The faces are familiar, and there if you need them, have bodies and arms you can feel. Besides you feel much more secure because you have learned that certain things always follow others. And if not, there is always someone there for you.

With a feeling of security you start to explore new activities. You can take on new tasks, you have experienced showing others what you’d like to do and being understood. And you understand, what others would like. You get in touch with your environment, you share, you take part.

Imagine, several years have passed since you’ve hit your head against a wall, and it’s been some time since you broke something into these funny little pieces…. Well, you know what I mean. You are feeling quite good, not  so tired any more. Many things are much easier; you have seen a lot of new things without feeling as scared as you did before, because you aren’t alone. There is always someone with you who explains things, who supports you and makes you feel secure.

There are just fewer of those colourful little balls, but you don’t mind.

Now imagine yourself sitting in a conference room or office. In front of you there’s a pile of papers with a lot of figures. You don’t like those figures at all.  You take a pen and cross out one. And then another. And another.

Suddenly you stop. You hear a sound which seams to get louder with every number you are crossing out. You don’t know the source of this sound.

It’s heads banging against walls, it’s flower pots breaking into pieces,  it’s clothes ripped into shreds, and it’s pens scrawling on prescriptions.

(c) Christian Grill, 2000/2004

If you want to use this text (also if only partial) please send a a mail to cg_rede AT aquarianage.at

About the author:
Christian Grill , born 1967, is working with mentally and physically disabled people since 1992, and also is a teacher at the LHB Linz (school for orthopedagogic professions).